Back when you were just a toddler, you probably never gave your hunger as much as a second thought. You ate a snack when your stomach growled, you stopped munching when you felt full and satisfied, and you repeated the process throughout the day. But as you aged, that intuitive approach to eating may have gone sideways.
Still, if you're struggling to pick up those feelings of hunger, fullness, or satisfaction, know you're not alone, says Donley. "Trauma, chronic dieting, conditions like ADHD, gastrointestinal issues, sensory processing difficulties, or certain medications can interfere with these cues," she explains. "You might benefit from working with an R.D. and/or a therapist."
Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries is also key to restoring your relationship with food. Even if you’ve slowly come to ditch terms such as “clean” or “junk,” your loved ones may not have gotten the memo, and they may take it upon themselves to label and discuss what’s on your plate. In those instances, Donley recommends asking them to keep the conversation at the table free of any diet talk. If someone still brings up dieting or even topics surrounding your or other people’s bodies, you can ignore their comments and change the subject, “especially if you don’t feel like it’s a safe place to bring up your concerns or you just don’t have the energy,” says Donley. Still, if you feel like you need to give a small response, consider saying, “Thanks, but I feel great about what I’m eating” or “I don’t feel comfortable talking about this,” as Spence suggests on her Instagram.
Or you can try explaining the journey you're on and let them know you don't want to categorize food as simply "good" or "bad," she says. From there, you can change the topic or, if the person seems open to learning more, further elaborate on your path to an improved relationship with food and what you've learned so far, she says. That said, "you don't have to justify your choice to change your relationship to food or to not diet," adds Donley. "Sometimes we have to set boundaries multiple times with others, too, before it sticks."
Take It Slow
Even if you do put this guidance into action, know that improving your relationship with food isn’t an overnight process, and your progress may fluctuate over time — and that’s okay. “We can have really fraught, really painful relationships with food, and they can move to be more peaceful,” says Donley. “And there can be times where our peaceful relationship to food has a wrench thrown into it with all the different stresses of life and it can change.” (Hi, COVID lockdown.) Having this toolkit under your belt, however, can help you get back on track to healing your relationship when that wrench does get in the way, she adds.
Regardless of how far or little you’ve come in your relationship with food, don’t be afraid to talk things through with a registered dietitian or mental health expert. “A professional can at least have an objective point of view and be there just to support you in this whole journey,” says Donley. “It can be hard when you don’t know people in your circle who might be wanting a healthier relationship with food or are talking about intuitive eating or being weight neutral. [A pro] can at least be one person in your corner.” (Next up: 8 Situations When You Should Consult a Nutritionist That May Surprise You)
